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Finding Someone New
Your First Date
Some extracts from ‘Single Again’.
Your first date can be divided into two scenarios.
The first
is when you meet your prospective new partner, face to face, at say a club, dinner party, a singles holiday or that chance encounter. You have just met a real person, you pray that you have brushed your teeth properly, that all is cool, and you are ready. You are now in at the deep end, and have instantly started the process of ´Getting to know you´.
The second
is when you meet online via the internet, through an agency or through personal advertising.
Regardless of how much communication there has been beforehand, you have arrived at what is essentially a ‘blind date’ scenario.
So how do you arrange your first date? How well you act in those first few moments could change your life forever.
If you have been in a relationship for a long time and this is your first date or encounter then it could be very daunting. Friends tell you to act naturally but acting naturally may mean, at this time, you are acting like a panicking idiot. Fear not. All are overcome with a few simple rules.
If your first date is the result of an introduction by an agency or internet dating then you have had more time to prepare but also more time to build up the anticipation. You realise, along with everything else that you must cope with, that it may have been decades since you last had a date with someone. Well, at least in cold blood. I am not talking about mild flirting at the office party when your inhibitions have been lowered due to the effects of alcohol.
Where and when to meet
Let’s assume for brevity and endless gender reference, my date is female in this section.
So, where do you choose for your first date? Always try suggesting a rendezvous on ‘neutral territory’. If your choice is a bar or a pub choose one where you are not known and one that is not too near your home. You do not want to be observed by work colleagues or inquisitive friends. There is nothing better to start gossip spreading than seeing you, a single person, with someone new. Worse still, they may decide to join you for a drink. It is very hard to ask them to go away without seeming rude. If they do stay that will certainly destroy your chance to continue the conversation with your date
If you start meeting different people regularly always choose different locations. If you do make a habit of seeing a number of different people at the same venue you could erroneously gain a reputation as a womaniser, a flirt, or worse.
As an insurance against the evening dragging on if he or she turns out to be a disappointment, forewarn your partner when you arrange the date that you may have to leave fairly early – try not to be pinned to a specific time. A white lie, but a wise contingency against enduring a long evening if it turns into a total washout, use something like you need to check on your mother or whatever.
But make sure the excuse could easily be rescinded. This is an option you could then magnanimously exercise if your date turns out to be the person of your dreams; you are enjoying yourself and you now want the evening to last forever….
Choose somewhere halfway between your addresses so you both have an equal journey. It also shows a sense of fairness and consideration. Select a place that is not too busy or too quiet. You do not want to shout, but you do not want every word to be overheard either.
Meeting new people should be fun and interesting. Your courtship days will also give you an opportunity to visit new places. So now is the chance to check out that interesting pub you saw in passing.
Of course, bars and pubs are not the only place to meet, especially at lunchtime or in the summer. Public parks and gardens, riverside walks, art galleries and museums are a few other ideas. Anywhere that allows you to talk freely with reasonable privacy is suitable. But always meet in a public place.
If you are a man never expect your female date to meet you at your home or ask to meet at hers.
For the first meeting avoid venues like restaurants and clubs. Unless you have previously arranged to split the bill, it is still, even in the sexual equality of our time, a tacit agreement that the man is expected to pay and this in turn could place an uncomfortable, tacit obligation on the woman.
Keep the first meeting as brief as is reasonably possible. Ideally, I would suggest a lunch time date lasting about 45 minutes. If it works out you can always arrange the next meeting for as long as you want (for the rest of your life if you like). But for the first encounter keep it short. If this is not possible and you have agreed to an evening date, then do not meet too early; meet at nine rather than seven for example.